If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
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the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
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I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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