I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
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This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
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Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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