I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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