if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
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Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
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I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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