I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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