I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
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I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
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Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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