She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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