so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize