I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize