so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
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you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
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Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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