So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
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we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
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Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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