She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
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When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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