Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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