Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
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Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
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My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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