U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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