Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
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