so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize