Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
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