I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize