and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
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