I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize