I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
So many bounce houses so little time
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
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I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
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I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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