the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just found puke in my bra..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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