the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize