During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
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I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
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It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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