He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
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My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
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sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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