i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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