hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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