I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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