i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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