PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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