I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
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We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
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DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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