mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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