I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
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We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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