just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize