Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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