Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
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I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
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Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
and you fell through a lawn chair
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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