don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize