Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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