Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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