Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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