I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize