I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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