Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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