hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
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I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
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HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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