cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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