Your mouth is God's brothel.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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