all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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