My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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