ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize