i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
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people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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